TAKE A LOOK INTO THE HEART OF A SURVIVOR THROUGH THESE WRITINGS, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. IT IS MY WISH THAT THESE WRITINGS WILL TOUCH YOU IN A VERY SPECIAL WAY AND PERHAPS GIVE YOU WHAT YOU SEEK IN YOUR JOURNEY. I HAVE WRITTEN MOST OF THEM AND SOME WERE SELECTED OUT OF MY FAVORITES. I HOPE THAT YOU CAN RECEIVE THE PEACE AND LOVE THAT I HAVE PUT INTO WRITING.

As I sit and ponder of what I am feeling, I wonder what has brought me to this place. There are so many memories. So many thoughts. So many events in my life that leave me with a conclusion that I am but a memory in the making. I have live many different adventures. It seems that I am looking for old numbers of old friends. Isn't that the way life deals the cards. I just want to get in touch with the old feeling. The feeling that I used to have when I only had to think about what I wanted to do day by day. When I do find that number will they still be there or is it just a dream of what used to be. Not really anyone who sees what I see. Oh how I wish to go back for just a little visit to find the innocence that I once new. Oh just to touch that feeling that I used to feel. Photographs and memories, are all that I have to remember that day and time that I loved so well. Oh how I long for the good times that we shared. Now I see that the times have changed and the memories cry out my name as a widow cries for her long lost love. Should I feel this way? Should I long for that time so? Oh how if I could control time and see the secret of its fame. I would take all the times that I smiled and lock them away for that day when I need them to uplift my sole. I remember when love was so free. I remember when it was all written in the songs that we played. What can I do.. Oh what can I do? So if I ever tell you that I need you please tell me that you can take me back to that place we both know. I struggle to find love. I remember when I knew how to speak loves song so well. Is it lost now for me? Please show me that I can live in this day and age. Sometimes I feel I am in a dream. You know the dreams that you used to have as a child so rich and unique. Dancing and singing the melody so slow. Oh what a wonderful dream. Oh what a wonderful dream. One time as a prince, another as a king. The thrill of the chase and all those mysterious things. The reality is that all dreams must end and we awaken and live our lives to extreme. Oh when I was a young boy so young and true. When innocence mirrored the life that I lived. There was no holding back for me. I was ten foot tall and bullet proof. I dreamt of love and happiness and almost tasted sweet success. I was so young yet seemed to know it all. It was the adventure that drew me so. It starts with a dream that I once had. It seemed to go like this: driving in my car with the top down, and I drive down the highway with the wind blowing through my hair. As I started to drift into the summer night I saw the moon and stars and there it was the smell of natures beautiful breath. I was thinking this could be heaven. I walked up the walkway that I knew so well. Then there was the laughter. Oh how the laughter seemed to lighten up the night. The wine is so rich and the dance so good. I look across the room and my friends draw me near. Tell a few jokes and listen to them laugh. So much happiness in such a short time. As the night goes on and the time draws near, we look at each other and embrace. No words no talk just an understanding that we will get together again. Then as I look again I see her smile. Her hair was long and her eyes so blue. I look at her and then she begins to speak. I have never heard such a heavenly voice. As she talks I stare at her with all intent. I listen so carefully to what she has to say. I realize that then and there I have found the woman I have always needed. Then as she fades I awaken to the lights of another day. I am a victim of love. What kind of love does she have. Through the years I find her with so many faces and so many names. I will always search for her and just as I seem to find her she runs so far away. Oh how I reminisce of the memory so blue. Living life so care free. Oh I was so ready for the times to get better. Why did I want them to change so soon. If only I knew what I would be like now... By: Anthony Trujillo INNOCENCE LOST Written while I was on my recovery. Innocence lost and nothing to bring it back is just what I feel looking back at the time that I had in the eighties. Oh how I feel it still in my head and in my heart I long to be back in that time and that place my first kiss, my first car, my first date, my first love, and my first job. I just knew that all in my life was at the best and I was at my peak. Oh how I long for that time. Take me back to that time please take me back. I can remember how it used to be back then when everything was so easy that peace that I had knowing that nothing was too had for me and that I could face anything. It all started when I was very young I was so confident and so sure that I was radiant with my confidence. I could have done it all. You see I needed no help I was the one who helped others and showed them the secret to my success. I showed them that through my own confidence I could achieve anything. Most of the people in my life were people that believe in me in fact all of the people in my life believed in me. I was on top of the world. I had all the right cards and knew just how to play them. You know it was so great to have so many friends to gather around me and support me. Man it was the glory days for me I just loved it not worries for me. The girls, oh the girls, so many girls and I treated them like queens and they just loved it and I loved them each and every one of them. Yes each and every girl that came in my life I genuinely had a special place in my heart. It was not about sex. In fact I did not even have an interest in sex that much in that time of my life I wanted to wait till I got married. I had desires but did not act on them I still believed in chivalry and the dream of respect and marriage. I believed in the mystery of true love and in happiness. I believed in romance and I did believed in each and every one of those girls. The great thing is that they each taught me something and each and every one of them made a difference in my life in their own way and they in a very unique way made me who I am today. If you look really close and deep inside my heart you can see a little bit of them in me. I often think of them. There were many but each had her special something and I think of it on several occasions and what is funny is any one of them I would have wanted to marry and start a life with. I often had this fantasy of being married and having children and having such a happy life and it was bitter sweet dream. All I would think about was falling in love and being married and coming home to my sweet wife and living the rest of my life with my love and being happy. You know I would look and see other couples and see them together so happy and would be so happy. I would fantasize about me being like that so happy like they were. To be just like them. Some couples I would see were struggling financially, but I would see that it would not matter to them they had their love and that was all that mattered to them. They were happy and that was the key they had each other to make it together. See the secret that they had was that no matter what they went through, no matter what cards were dealt to them, they had their love and that is what kept them strong and together and that was their secret. Life gave us so many thing to deal with and so many trials but through all of this we were given a set of keys it is up to us to figure out which keys best fit our situations. I found that I have to still search for the keys when it comes to my significant others but the relationships that I have had so far good or bad have been all worth it as they have made me happy and are held dear to my heart. Looking back into the past seems to be somewhat soothing to me for some reason. I can remember when I used to drive and listen to the music and dream of all the things that I wanted to be but never did I realize that one day I would dream to be just what I was then. I now have to take a little time to think it all over and see what heartache and pain have filled my life. I need time to face the demons that fill my life now. In my life I never saw it coming I never knew that it would turn out this way. Where did I go wrong. I don’t know if I can face it again. I want to know where love is I want you to show me where it has gone. I want to find it again. I want to find sweet innocence. Am I beaten by life and its misgivings or do I still stand a chance. Take a look at me and what do you see am I that somebody that you see in your dreams. Am I that person in your desires. When she left me she took a part of me with her. You see I gave a little bit of my heart to each woman who came into my life. I was sitting all alone watching all those other couples getting along with each other. When I first looked into your eyes and what a wonderful sight did I see. This is just how I wanted it to be. By Anthony Trujillo SILENT NIGHT 911 Author Unknown You say you'll never forget where you were when you heard the news on September 11th, 2001. Neither will I. I was on the one hundredth and tenth floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say "goodbye". I held his fingers steady as he dialed, I gave him a piece to say "Honey I'm not going to make it, but it's okay I am ready to go." I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children. I held her up as she tried to understand his words. And as she realized that he wasn't coming home that night. I was in a stairwell of the twenty-third floor when a woman cried out to me for help. I've been knocking on the door of your heart for fifty years. I said, "of course I'll show you the way home, only believe in me now". I was at the base of the building when the priest ministered to the injured and devastated souls. I took him home to tend his flock in heaven. He heard my voice and answered. I was on all four of those planes in very seat, with every prayer. I was with the crew as they were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that thier faith would save them. I was in Texas, Kansas, London, I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news, "did you sense me?" I want you to now that I saw every face, I knew every name though not all know me. Some met me for the first time on the eighty-sixth floor. Some sought me with their last breath. Some couldn't hear me calling to them through the smoke and flames, "come to me, this way, take my hand." Some chose for their final time to ignore me, but I was there. I did not place you in the tower that day. You may not know why, but I do. However if you were in that explosive moment in time, "would you have reached for me?" September 11th, 2001 was not the end of the journey for you, but someday your journey will end and I'll be there for you as well. "Seek me now while I may be found." Then at any moment you know you're ready to go I will be in the stairwell of your final moments. "Remember I love you." Please look deep into your heart and search for that time when it is just you with no other influence, just you and your heart so true. When you get to that place ponder all of those who have have passed away in your life and then answer this question. "When I pass will I know for sure that I am going to be going home to Jesus?" I want to tell you Jesus does love you and He wants you to be His. All you have to do is reach out for Him. I pray that you do this now. Please know that the most wonderfull love that a man can have for another is that he would lay his life for another and Jesus did this for you. Even if it was only you He still would have died just for you. You are special and He knows you more than anyone else. Reach out for Him. JENNY’S STORY Author unknown. Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.. For once in her life it was on the right side of town. She unpacked her things with such great ease. As she watched her new curtains blow in blow in the breeze. How wonderful it was to have her own room. chool would be starting; she’d have friends over soon. There’d be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy. It’s just the way she wanted her life to be. On the first day of school, everything went great. She made new friends and even got a date! She thought, “I want to be popular and I’m going to be, Because I just got a date with the star of the team!” To be known in this school you had to have clout, And dating this guy would sure help her out. There was only one problem stopping her fate. >Her parents had said she was too young to date. “Well, I just won’t tell them the entire truth. They won’t know the difference; what’s there to lose?” Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night. Her parents frowned but said, “All right.” Excited, she got ready for the big event She began to feel guilty about all the lies, But what’s a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride? Well the pizza was good, and the party was great, But the moonlight ride would have to wait. For Jeff was half drunk by this time. >She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble, And heard, call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble! Voices she heard…a few words at best. But she knew there were two cars involved in that wreck. Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right, And if the people in the other car was alive. She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad. “You’ve been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad.” These voices echoed inside her head, As they gently told her that Jeff was dead. They said “Jenny, we’ve done all we can do. But it looks as if we’ll lose you too.” “But the pEple in the other car!?” Jenny cried. “We’re sorry, Jenny, they also died.” Jenny prayed, “God, forgive me for what I’ve done I only wanted to have just one night of fun.” “Tell those people’s family, I’ve made their lives dim, And wish I could return their families to them.” “Tell Mom and Dad I’m sorry I lied, And that it’s my fault so many have died. Oh, nurse, won’t you please tell them that for me?” The nurse just stood there… she never agreed. But took Jenny’s hand with tears in her eyes. And a few moments later Jenny died. A man asked the nurse, “Why didn’t you do your best?” To bid that girl her one last request?” She looked at the man with eyes so sad. “Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad.” This story is sad and unpleasant but true, So young people take heed, it could have been you.